Saturday, January 27, 2007

As The Mud Slides - EPISODE 1

Anonymous post on the La Manzanilla message board -

As The Mud Slides ...the continuing saga of the gringo struggle to gentrify "La Mansionia"

it's rodeo time, and it's gringo day, the casino is full, everyone is waiting for the festivities to start ... at the end of a table we find Derwood and Wilma (hill people), seated with 3 of the crew who regularly frequent the local tavern called "Pablos", Pete, Gretchen, and Albert.

Pete: what's taking them with the beer? At a cost of 200pesos for all the free beer and food you can consume, you would think they would get their asses in gear and get the beer flowing.

Wilma: I think it's terrible that we should have to pay for free food and beer; the Mexicans get in free.

Gretchen: Jesus H Christo, Wilma! you have a house on the beach for sale for 1/2 million dollars, and you're b###hing about 20 bucks! .. I was one of the first gringos here, and I know everyone in this town, and it's only you new comers who think giving something back to the Mexicans is a sin.

Derwood: I take exception to that! I'm part of a group of volunteers that's been working hard to get a sewer system put in.

Albert: That's bullshit! This is Mexico, and if the Mexicans want a sewer, they will build are just a buttinski, trying to make the place liveable for yourself, and at the same time look good in front of your fellow hill people ... Tell me, how is your sewer going to work when it all ends up in a manhole that's below sea level? .... meanwhile ... several blocks away in the plush oceanview office of Wish Greatfield atop his sprawling real estate office, Wish is in conversation with 2 associates; Tony Amato and Austin Gerland.

Wish: I have 12 beachfront lots and all the restrictions for building have been lifted ... it could be a goldmine if you come on board with us, Austin ... with your influence over your rich friends ... you could have them begging to invest.

Tony: I've already got all the right officials properly greased, there will be no hold ups...and I've already got the preliminary plans ... 46 units.

Austin: 46 units! isn't that going to be a little overwhelming for the beachfront?
Wish: Who cares? I can sell most of them before they are even finished and we will all make a fortune ... Tony and I figure after this project it will be an excellent time "to get out of dodge".

Austin: So you expect to construct these the same as the others? Or do you plan to do them right?

Tony: Don't worry about my construction techniques ... just get the money .. everything will end up just looking fine ... Oh, and by the way .. I have it on good authority that that little incident at the cell tower the other night can be traced to one of your sniper rifles .... back at the casino, sitting at another table, the Contessa is holding court to her good friends, Juanita and her husband Ralph. Also sitting with them, among others, are Marilyn, and Bart.

Contessa: So tell me Juanita, what's going on with this new tower? I've been so busy with my new pool man that I haven't been able to make it up to your mansion this week ... Marilyn butts in ...

Marilyn: Oh that ugly thing! It ruins my view! But at least they shut off that awful blinking light.

Juanita: Nobody shut off anything, the light was shot out! My cousin heard the noise and saw the light exploding. We figure those responsible are those evil looking guys that hang out at Pablos.

Ralph: How can you say that? You need to have evidence before you can go accusing someone.

Juanita: Shut up and butt out of this!

Bart: Nice try Ralph. You know, maybe you are an o.k. guy and not just the hill person you appear to be ... let me tell you something .. I've been here a long time, and watched that wife of yours grow up. And from an early age she was a natural gossip maker ... her skills are now so refined, that by the end of the week, she will have 1/2 the town responsible for shooting out that light .... enters Audfred, sweet and bubbly, carrying a tray of beer.

Audfred: Hi guys, need some more beer? I'm just doing my duty being a good volunteer gringo .... Audfred sets down a round of beer and leaves

Ralph: Who the hell was that?

Juanita: that was Audfred, she just moved here ... she doesn't like Mexico much, but thought the people she met while visiting were so wonderful, that she decided to retire here.

Ralph: What a twit! .. after the meal, Marilyn meets up with Wilma while strolling about the casino

Marilyn: hi Wilma ... are those people you were sitting with, the ones who sit around drinking at Pablos all day?

Wilma: I don't think they are there all day, doesn't the place close at night?

Marilyn: I just heard that they are all a bunch of anarchists trying to disrupt things here and ruin our paradise .. they shot out the cell phone tower and were responsible for last nights blackout.

Wilma: Those assholes! That happened right in the middle of my favorite tv show..I'm going to tell them what I think ...

Wilma marches over to where Pete, Gretchen, and Albert are standing.

Wilma: You guys think you are pretty smart, knocking out the hydro and trying to spoil our paradise.

Pete: Hold on a minute lady!I don't know what you are talking about, but your paradise is just an illusion ... even if some natural disaster never happens and brings things tumbling down, the shear number of stupid cows like you that keep coming here will turn this place into anything but a paradise.

Gretchen: Yea ... and besides, no one needs to tamper with the power .. this is Mexico, and it happens on its own often enough.

Marilyn: Well if Mexicans weren't so lazy, they could keep things going like they are supposed to.

Albert: (under his breath) How can so many ding bats end up in the same place?
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La Manzanilla, a village of approximately 1,500 indigenous and winter residents, is located in the southwest corner of the state of Jalisco along what is known as Costalegre (Costa Alegre) or the "happy coast".

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